“Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection, the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.”
Growing up I imagine all girls and indeed boys at one point or another picture their “happy ending”, meeting their Prince Charming or Princess, starting a family, buying a home. In traditional Ireland, girls, like me, would have grown up under the assumption that their fairy tale ending would be there waiting for them; sparks would fly, fireworks would decorate the night sky and you would be forever bound to your soul-mate.
So what happens when the fairy-tale doesn’t come true; when you find yourself like me, single again and approaching 32? For almost 18months I have been single, flying the flag solo, ALONE. For me age and marital status were always two separate entities BUT that tilted head and sorrowful look when people ask “have you met anyone YET” is becoming all too familiar. It’s as though people can’t or don’t believe I can be happy without a significant other in my life.
Modern Ireland is like countless other countries, with life for many being focused on fast cars, fast money and fast sex. Gone are the traditional days of courting, of meeting your love at the crossroads, or local dance, and of marrying young. So why then, do I seem to get that pitiful look every time I say I’m single, or that reassuring “you’ll meet someone when the time is right” line??
The truth is I’m not ready to meet anyone, I went from one long term relationship to another, and I need time for me. Somewhere in the midst of my previous relationships I lost the girl I thought I was. I went from having a large circle of male friends to having very few because it wasn’t liked, I lost friendships I thought would never fade and worst of all I lost a lot of my positivity and I’m not too enamoured by the person I am right now.
So here I am approaching my 32nd birthday and while others would think their biological clock was ticking or they were now destined to be alone, these are thoughts I don’t ever entertain. The romantic inside of me feels that one day I will meet the “one” who is right for me, someone who comes with their own life experience and relationship scaring, someone who knows what it is to have loved and lost, and maybe when I do meet him my heart will be ready, open again to welcoming someone in.
For now, I live my life by rules, and I don’t mean this as some powerful feminist statement, I simply mean I live life for me now and no-one else. I don’t sleep around, that’s something you do in your 20’s, I don’t go off with my male friends, I simply do what I have to do to make life best for me. I work, I go to the gym and I sit down drinking milky coffees dreaming about making me the best me I can be.
So YES, if you’re wondering I am looking for love; every girl is, but right now that love doesn’t come in a 6ft well chiselled body (mind you that wouldn’t hurt either), but it comes from me. I’m looking to learn how to love me again, love the woman I have become and am becoming before ever I love another man because in the words of Buddha “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”